Desolate

The nights are the worst part of all of this. Especially when I'm alone being alone never helps anything. It makes my mind wonder into the unknowns and makes me think back to the old times when I knew what and who I wanted in life. I post things on here because I think I want people to see what I'm going through and thinking but don't actually want to tell anyone straight up. I'm always in my defensive shell and don't like opening up to anyone about anything. I guess its just a defect that I have but its not a good one I think because it just all builds up. One day I might just explode. Like right now I'm about to explode, I need someone to talk to but who? there is no one I can truly open up to anymore about how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. I want to text her right now but know that I cant do that it wouldn't help anybody in this situation. The whole cycle would just restart itself and no one wants that. So I will just lie here tonight desolate in my own thoughts trying to figure things out for myself.

A "break"

So I made the decision to do it but was it the right decision is what I'm asking myself now? I mean sure it could be nice just not having to care for anyone else anymore and just do whatever I feel like but, on the other hand it blows. Knowing now that I don't have a significant other to call when I have done something marvelous and have good news or if I just need someone to talk to. Its called a "break" because we don't know what we want but in my eyes this "break" isn't going to turn out in my favor. I can just see it now me wanting to come back to my old life the good times when everything was going great and I had someone right by my side at all times. Then finding out that, that someone now has someone else by her side or just doesn't even have a care about me anymore. So for now I will just wait it out and keep on hoping for the best in the end. But just like she once said " everything happens for a reason" and even though at the time I didn't think so now I look back on that and realize that everything does happen for a reason and I shouldn't be worrying to much, because if we are meant to be then we will be and if not then not only time will tell. Many tears will be shed over this perilous time in life but the end result will show if it was all worth it or not.