Desolate

The nights are the worst part of all of this. Especially when I'm alone being alone never helps anything. It makes my mind wonder into the unknowns and makes me think back to the old times when I knew what and who I wanted in life. I post things on here because I think I want people to see what I'm going through and thinking but don't actually want to tell anyone straight up. I'm always in my defensive shell and don't like opening up to anyone about anything. I guess its just a defect that I have but its not a good one I think because it just all builds up. One day I might just explode. Like right now I'm about to explode, I need someone to talk to but who? there is no one I can truly open up to anymore about how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. I want to text her right now but know that I cant do that it wouldn't help anybody in this situation. The whole cycle would just restart itself and no one wants that. So I will just lie here tonight desolate in my own thoughts trying to figure things out for myself.